Look for the smiles

Were one to accept that which spews from the multitude of media outlets, we should be a forlorn, despondent (if not depressed) people.  Not at all diminishing serious topics proliferating the landscapes of our daily lives, surely we are not rushing headlong from one catastrophe to another.  Yet, if we plod along dejectedly, yielding to the media sirens of doom and gloom, we miss the smiles.

So, look for the smiles: the true, honest, heartfelt, spontaneous expression of happiness.  Take time each day to look for the smiles that surround us.  They are equally plentiful and invaluable.

There's one from your wife, in greeting as she walks into the home after a day at work.

There's one from the child playing with her friends on the school yard.

There's one from your neighbor, responding to your hollered greeting.

There's one from an infant responding to her mother's voice. 

There's one from the clerk at the coffee shop, responding to the customer's polite Thank You.

There's one from the lady, acknowledging your holding the door for her as she enters the local library.

There's one from the complete stranger, responding to your quip about the weather.

There's one on the face of the lady walking her dog in the neighborhood, lost in her thoughts.

There are the ones on the faces of the parents and young wife welcoming home their Marine son and husband from his overseas deployment.

There's one from the young man playing with his pet at the local dog park.

There's one on the face of an acquaintance during a chance encounter after some time since the last visit.

There's one on the face of your former co-worker, as you meet for lunch.

There's one on the face of the youngster playing organized sports.

There's one, generated for some unknown reason, on the face of a complete stranger.  

Smiles surround us.  Generated by love, friendship, happiness, humor, and countless other motivators.  All we need do is look for them.  Don't buy into the media driven crap comprised of negativity.

Look for the smiles.  Relish in their presence.  Take solace in their warmth.  Who knows, maybe they can be the motivator for your own smile!
 

Women in combat - updated 1-29-13

I'll throw in my two cents worth regarding the Department of Defense policy decision to open all Military Occupational Specialties to women.  As discussed by a variety of pundits, self-appointed experts, news show talking heads, bloggers, and just about everyone else, this decision could result in women being assigned to the infantry, where the ugliest form of warfare is fought.

Many of those compelled to celebrate the decision have absolutely no training or background upon which to base their celebration.  Watching and listening to the so-called commentators, we must recognize that with rare (if any exceptions) they never served in the military, let alone in the infantry.  They are not celebrating a wise decision made on the basis of national security.  They are celebrating an exceptionally unwise politically motivated decision seen to further someone's views on gender equality.

U.S. Marine Corps Captain Katie Petronio, a veteran of ground combat from the current war, has the combat experience from which to offer her view that this would be a bad decision.  Read about it here.  http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/07/12/12684555-women-in-the-infantry-forget-about-it-says-female-marine-officer?lite   

Another individual with the experience and background necessary to accurately comment about the ramifications of this decision is deceased General Robert Barrow, former Commandant of the Marine Corps.  His comments, made years ago to the Senate Armed Services Committee, are salient and to the point. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fy--whDNNKk

Bottom line.  The military is not a social science laboratory with which to be tinkered by political appointees for political purpose and gain.  And most certainly, the infantry is not a profession to be irreparably damaged by such tinkering. 

UPDATE:

One newspaper article exclaimed a poll shows most Americans support women in combat.  With roughly 1% of the country serving in the military, it amazes me why anyone would assume they are knowledgeable enough about military life to intelligently offer an opinion about the rigors of ground combat?  It is no different than a poll declaring the majority of Americans support one specific neurosurgical procedure.  We wouldn't know what we are talking about.

Focused outrage

Being somewhat of a news junkie, I read and watch a lot of local, national, international news and opinion. 

For a significant period, the "news" has been filled with stories and commentary conveying considerable emotion about the loss of life.  These stories and commentary, from the widest possible spectrum of writers, reporters, pundits, commentators, and bloggers have addressed a wide variety of causes for the loss of life, the focus depending upon the author's/writer's sense of justice or concern.  Wars, natural disasters, mass killings, and the like have all resulted in self professed moral outrage by the author, pundit, writer, or whomever.  Each exhorts us to join with them in the outrage at the loss of life and to join with them in some action or another to address and eliminate the cause.

Like several, I happen to believe the so-called mainstream media is compulsively liberal.  Being liberal, however, does not mean one can't be sincerely outraged by loss of life.  To those who stand up, from the left and right, in moral outrage at loss of life, we should admire this sincerity. 

However, while the left and right may disagree about the moral outrage attendant to causes of the loss of life, I believe they can come together and jointly focus their outrage on one specific senseless, preventable cause for the loss of life.  Driving under the influence of alcohol.

While reading our local news this weekend, I was saddened to note one particular story about a death resulting from someone allegedly driving under the influence of alcohol.  This particular description caught my attention.  "The wife told authorities that one moment her husband was leaning into her open driver’s window, talking to her, and the next moment he was gone, thrown hundreds of feet by the impact of the other motorist’s pickup, said California Highway Patrol Officer Brian Pennings." (Cited from the Union-Tribune)

The couple were driving two vehicles along the freeway when one of the vehicles experienced problems, so they pulled off the side of the freeway. That's when the above occurred.

I wonder why there is no moral outrage from both sides of the political spectrum?  Where is the outrage at the senseless, preventable loss of life?  Where are the protest marches along the main streets of our towns and cities?  Where are the news programs filled with self-appointed experts calling for action?  Where are the politicians speaking with passion on C-SPAN?  Why can't we mobilize for this cause?

According to Mothers Against Drunk Driving, in 2011 alone, 9,878 people were killed due to drunk driving.  By comparison, 469 of our soldiers, sailors, airmen, and Marines died in combat on 2011 (Iraq and Afghanistan), with 6,630 in 11 years of combat through 2011 (Washington Post - Faces of the Fallen).  110 died in Hurricane Sandy (LA Times) and 1,833 in Hurricane Katrina (Wikipedia).

I'm perplexed and hope there will be focused outrage at the senseless, preventable loss of life from drunk driving.  As a nation, we accomplish much when focused.  Let's focus on this cause and work together to end the loss of life.  

Importance of God in America

A short, but enormously important note.

Yesterday the President and Vice President of the United States of America formally took the oath of office.  (Today they do so ceremoniously.)  As each did so, he placed his hand on a Christian bible, spoke the oath of office, and ended it with these words, "...so help me God."

These solemn and legal actions, not significantly dissimilar from that which I performed several times as an officer in the United State States Marine Corps, are the manifestation and public acknowledgment of the enormous obligation to the nation the individual undertakes.  To unambiguously signify one's recognition and acceptance of this highest of obligations to one's fellow citizens, the President and Vice President did so by solemnly stating "...so help me God," with the left hand placed on a Christian bible and the right hand raised.

Clear examples of the importance of God in America. 

Importance of family

I was struck by the following, “The black family survived centuries of slavery and generations of Jim Crow, but it has disintegrated in the wake of the liberals’ expansion of the welfare state. Most black children grew up in homes with two parents during all that time, but most grow up with only one parent today.”  (This observation was written by Thomas Sowell in a piece titled Liberalism versus Blacks.)

Mr. Sowell's observation about the impact of welfare state expansion on families, one can argue, goes to a central aspect about the change in American society over the past three to four decades.  That is, the continuing dissolution of the centerpiece of society, the nuclear family (mother, father, children).  As liberals have pursued expansion of the welfare state, concurrently societal norms have been recast in their view.  

For example, bearing children out of wedlock no longer carries with it stigma.  It can be offered that very societal stigma, founded upon the sanctity of the nuclear family, helped contribute to relatively low rates of unwed mothers.  Yet, as the rate of unwed mothers, recast as "single parents" by the left, increases, so do the numbers on welfare rolls.  (And this is not limited to one racial or ethnic group.)

Another phenomenon is the apparent cheapening of the vows of marriage.  It seems to be in vogue to consider marriage as disposable as the car purchased a few years ago.  It is another element in fracturing the nuclear family that leaves its indelible mark in so many ways.  Once more, with the liberals in the lead, marriage vows and the obligation they convey, have been cheapened.  There was a stigma associated with being divorced in the past.  Today it is almost heralded by many, some citing having multiple marriages.  One result?  Fractured homes that fail to provide the children the nurturing environment and positive role models provided by the mother and father.  Too many children see horrible examples of interpersonal relationships and broken promises, growing up to sense this is the norm.  Too many children in "broken" homes being managed by "single parents."  How often, one may ask, do we hear of a serious crime in which the perpetrator comes from a "broken home?"  Absent the positive influence of and role models provided by the mother and father, children face significant challenges.   (By the way, to those who scream that this aid in necessary to "save the children," it is offered that it is the responsibility of the parents of the children to provide for them."  But the welfare state championed by the liberals fails to see the problem.  Instead, they continue to pursue policies attacking the nuclear family, actually providing government funded financial incentives to remain unmarried.  Policies do have consequences and the liberal welfare state costs more than just the billions being spent on welfare in its numerous variations.

Gay marriage is one such policy.  Simply stated, the role of marriage is for a man and woman to join in a legal and moral commitment to one another, part of which is the act of procreation.  Time will tell that "two mommies" and "two daddies," as espoused by the liberals as part of the welfare state, will induce even more problems for society.  The nuclear family is under assault and as Mr. Sowell aptly notes, the welfare state is a leading tool of the liberals in sustaining this attack.

Many of today's ills can be attributed to the growing dissolution of the nuclear family.

A nuclear family is the best foundation for raising children.  A nuclear family, into which the male and female join with a clear understanding of their obligations and the expectations of society for the relationship, forms the centerpiece of our society. With it, our children have the best opportunity for success.  With it, our nation clearly states that obligations are serious and working to overcome challenges is required.  

I'm proud to be a product of a nuclear family, the husband/father in a nuclear family, and a grandfather to a nuclear family.

I write a while back about being positive, rather than negative.  This piece may be read a negative, but it is actually positive, because it extols the value of the nuclear family.  Family remains the most important aspect of life, particularly since it is based upon choice for the husband-wife.  They choose to get married and undertake the most important personal relationship and obligation into which we willingly enter.

So let's continue to champion the nuclear family and see it as a bulwark against those forces that have insidiously attacked our societal values for these many decades.  Let's celebrate the nuclear family and advocate returning to it as the paragon of virtue and value within our great nation.                       

Military wives - People of the Decade

As 2012 ended and 2013 commenced, much as said and published about people of the year; incredibly, unfathomably including Obama being named Person of the Year and Bill Clinton being named Father of the Year.  Regardless of being astounded by these selections, I put forth that the People of the Decade are military wives.

Ten years of war, not police actions or low-intensity conflict, but gut wrenching, body decimating, limb taking, multiple combat tours, large numbers of women in ground combat, unspeakable horrors war have been supported by military wives.  While much was written and publicized about them, not near enough has been done to formally recognize them as a group.

Sure, Oprah and others have provided many a few minutes of fame.  Numerous non-profits were started up by and for them.  Elected officials have sought them out for political advantage.  Through it all, the current generation of military wives have shouldered enormous burdens, both before, during, and after any individual deployment.

The pressures on a military wife prior to a combat deployment of her husband are basically unknown by the majority of American citizens.  Periods of intense training precede the actual date of departure.  Often, this training takes the soldier, sailor, airman, or Marine away from home for days and weeks on end.  In the Corps, we call this the work-up phase.  For the young wife, normally located hundreds or thousands of miles away from home and family, the period is also filled with countless briefs and presentations, papers to complete, wills to be made out, and critical decisions to be made.  Does she remain at the duty station/post during the deployment?  Does the young family have the financial resources for her to return home to be with family and friends during the deployment?  How about their finances?  (In high cost areas, such as southern California, young enlisted families meet the HUD definition of low income.)  How is the car; is it in good running order?  Can the wife drive it?  Are there children or is she pregnant?  Can she get to medical and the commissary (military grocery store)?  Is she employed?  All too often, that special situation of being in love and newly married runs headlong into the reality of military life.  Think about it for a moment.  How would you react, as a young wife, if your husband was going to be gone for six months to a year?  Let along if he is going in harm's way.  While the military is much better at providing support during these situations than when I was a new Marine, it is still a exceptionally challenging time for these young wives.  By the way, the "old," experienced wives have to go through all of the above, and more, plus taking on the responsibility of mentoring and assisting the new wives.  And it hasn't really begun as yet.

Finally, the departure date arrives and the emotional upheaval of the husband's actual departure hits like a ton of bricks.  Many times, because of the vast distances to be traveled, the departures are at unusual times, like 1 AM.  The men have their weapons, board the bus, plane, or ship; kisses and hugs, a little longer and tighter for the wives who are pregnant; then the men are gone.  Tears flow, reality begins to set in.  The deployment has begun.

Now, maybe for the first time ever, the wife is responsible for managing the household: balancing the checkbook; ensuring the routine maintenance is done on the car(s); keeping the bills paid; arranging for home maintenance; getting the things that break fixed (one soldier's wife wrote in her blog, "Murphy’s Law is a constant companion. The moment he walks out the door, anything that can break, collapse, bleed, or explode–will"); being mother and father to the children in the home; and trying to maintain a normal life, in the face of the decidedly abnormal, at least by conventional standards.  For all the wives, the fear for the safety of their husbands is very real.  For some wives, however, the fear is exponentially higher.  Like or not, some of our men in uniform serve in more hazardous and dangerous roles than others.  While everyone is in danger, I offer those in certain specialties and/or units are in much greater danger.  For example, the infantry, special operations, explosive ordnance disposal, etc.  Don't think for a moment the wives of such  servicemen are acutely aware of this distinction.  Try to imagine living day-to-day with this phenomenal amount of fear.  Ironically, the vastly superior and more reliable communications capabilities actually contribute to the level of fear.

By way of explanation, in my day it was rare to talk by telephone to our wives when we were overseas.  The overwhelming majority of communication was by letter, snail mail if you will.  Texting, Skype, e-mail, VOIP, SatCom, and the like didn't exist.  That slowed up the comms, frustratingly, but also provided for a time buffer.  Now there is almost regular communications depending on where the serviceman is located.  (To be sure, some go weeks without any form of electronic communications, while at Forward Operating Posts, out on missions, etc.)  But for many, there was regular communications.  This provides a unique challenge, particularly when a casualty (wounded or killed in action; or injured or killed by non-hostile event) occurs.  The military locks down the electronic communications, so the wife of the injured or killed is notified in a timely and proper manner, preferably in person.  Consequently, the wives know that, barring other exceptions, there are two primary reasons regular email, Skype, etc. communications are interrupted.  First, their husband has become a casualty.  Second, a technical glitch in the comms system.  When that break in electronic communications occurs, they fear the first and hope for the second.  During the height of the war, when local Marine units were taking heavy casualties, I was working for a non-profit that supports junior military families.  One morning, a young wife and her two children came into the office seeking some assistance.  Since it was rare that we had walk in clients (most of the requests were handled by phone and email), I was chatting with her as the team processed the request for assistance.  It came out that she was visiting for more than one reason.  I clearly recall that morning, because we awoke to read in the newspaper and hear on the TV, "five Marines were killed in Afghanistan yesterday...names are being withheld until the notification of the next of kin."  This young wife of a deployed Marine candidly told me that upon hearing that in the morning, she grabbed her kids and got out of the house, because if she wasn't there, no one could come to her house and make a casualty call (formal notification to the next of kin of a servicemember being wounded or killed in action).  As it turned out, her husband was OK and it was a technical glitch in the communication system.  But try to imagine the roller coaster ride of emotions throughout her Marine's deployment, exacerbated her knowing the wives of some of the Marines in her husband's unit who had been killed in action.  Day after day, week after week, month after month.

Finally, her husband returns.

After the tears of joy, thrill of being together again, and coming together as a family again (perhaps the returning Marine holds his eight month old son for the first time), life should return to normal, right?  Maybe not.

A lot has been said and written about PTSD.  I'll not add to volumes of information already available.  Let me just observe that the military wife's role may become even harder when her husband returns.  Depending on what he saw or experienced, the memories may never leave.  Maybe he was also wounded (another topic for another time).  If he was the infantryman, the proverbial grunt, maybe some of his friends were killed.  Whatever the experience, it may not be one the wife is able to understand and share, perhaps because her husband doesn't know how to or chooses not to.  So once more, the military wife shoulders the responsibility.  And, unlike his deployment, which had an end date, this does not.  Side bar comment: sometimes, when the soldier, sailor, airman, or Marine returns, he may already know when he's deploying again.  Multiple combat tours were the norm, not the exception, over these past ten years.

I've spoken with military wives who have endured multiple combat tours;  experienced their husbands changing vastly because of them; held their husbands as they cried for their fallen friends; called for help when their husbands threatened/attempted suicide; and began the preparations for the next deployment.

Every generation of warrior and warrior family lives through a unique situation.  However, as the longest war in American history concludes, the exceptional, the extraordinary, the profoundly challenging role of the military wife over these past ten years deserves special recognition.  That's why they should be the People of the Decade.             
 

Meet great people at the court

Nope, not referring to the legal type of court, wherein guilt/innocence or fault/lack of fault are decided.  I'm referring to the tennis court.

In the retired stage of life, I play as much tennis as possible.  While certainly there are a wide variety of folks found in any element of life, for the most part I've found some really great people at the tennis courts.   Now, to be candid, the level of tennis I play isn't going to threaten those who play at Wembleton or any of the other championships.  While we may think the competition is that acute, it actually isn't.  But it is a lot of fun.  Laughs and smiles, even when losing.

What's the source of such enjoyment?  Competition!

May by nature, is a competitive animal.  He needs to strive to win and takes joy in winning and not in losing.  Tennis is a great way to feed that competition desire that is in us all.  Even the liberals like to win, for crying out loud.

Tennis, unlike some other sports, offers both team and individual accomplishment.  What a great way to feed the competition monster in us all.

One shot is a killer ( or at least I think it is) and the next shot is miserable.  Oh well.  That's the way it goes.  And the people I meet on the court are normally really nice and engaging folks.  Compete head-to-head and then laugh about it after the match is over.

My wife, were she to read this, would ad a foot note, citing that I am way too competitive at times.  Better to take it out on the courts than on the roadways or in the office place. I get some exercise and meet some of the greatest people anywhere.

Keep it coming, tennis, so I can meet great folks and have some fun. 

Camaraderie

Old comrades, the foundation of camaraderie, are terribly important.  It is particularly the case in the world of the U. S. Marine Corps. 

Today I had the pleasure of breaking bread with two comrades from my years as a Marine.  Each has gone to war multiple times for our country and Corps and each is unshakably loyal to country and Corps.

As oft is the case, we spoke of the same old sea stories, which still produce the predictable shake of the head or the laughter and smiles.  We also broached new territory, which is unusual.  This led to a series of comments and questions, observations, and memories.  One topic of discussion was the first Gulf War, to which they deployed, but I did not.  I had the fortune of being in command, but not a command that deployed for the great war.  Dave, the most outspoken of the three of us, laughed as he recalled that when they were in the desert, each had observed that they knew I was working my bolt to get to the war.  Of course I did!  That is what Marines do, head to the sound of the gunfire.  Alas, my efforts were unsuccessful.  I was able to deploy a few of my Marines, but no significant numbers and definitely not my headquarters.  Paul, the circumspect and erudite of the group, recalled that during the current war he learned to run in shower shoes.  He was heading to showers at one of the major airfields when one enemy rocket landed to the left, then one to his right.  This is what we call being bracketed, meaning the next one would land right in the center, i.e. where he was standing.  So off he ran.

As we discussed those days, we agreed that in this world there are people that only understand the force of arms, either as a threat or a deterrent.  To the liberals who believe talking to the evil people in the world is the answer, please sit down sometime and talk to Marine combat vets so you can learn about the really mean, nasty folks that are out there.  They'd just as soon cut your throat as look at you.  Marines have seen this, and more.  

We talked warmly about fellow Marines we admire, harshly about those we don't.  You see, being a Marine means (in part) that there are many highly held standards that can't be diminished.  Recalling the first Gulf War, we rounded criticized some senior officers for inappropriately insinuating themselves, and other senior officers for permitting it.  Those officers diminished the standards and rightfully warrant the disdain aimed their way.

But, in the end, camaraderie is very positive and uplifting.  It doesn't matter if the sea stories are repeated, nor that it is months between our confabs.  I remember each as an ultimate professional, men I could send into harm's way, leading their Marines.  Each continues to uphold the standards previously mentioned.  Each served their country and Corps with honor and distinction.  I can trust either man with my life.  More importantly, when we were on active duty, I could trust them with the lives of my Marines.

Semper Fidelis!   

Indescribable decision - saving a life

Today the nephew of one of our closest friends received a heart from a young man in is 20s who had died in an accident.

The recipient of the heart is a man in his 40s who was born with a heart condition that has left him on the precipice of death.  His loving wife and two daughters have been dealing with the rapidly, progressively deterioration of his health.  With the marvel and true miracles of modern medicine, he's been kept alive awaiting a donor heart.  Early this morning, surgeons replaced his failing heart with one from a very young man.

What an indescribable decision for the young man and his family.  I have no knowledge of the family or the young man.  Perhaps he had consciously decided to be an organ donor in the event of his untimely death.  If so, what a courageous decision for one so young.  But it's equally possible that he hadn't thought that far ahead and the decision was made by his parents or wife.  I'm profoundly in awe of parents or a wife who could, in the midst of the immediate tragic grief of losing a son, make such an indescribable decision.  While grieving a loss, they were able to see through the grief and horror of losing a son or husband to save the life of another.  And let there be no argument, without this heart, it is most likely the recipient would not live to see another birthday.

Coming from the Marine Corps, I'm well aware of those who willingly laid down their lives to save their comrades on the battlefields around the world.  The immediate decisions of Corporal Jason Dunham, Specialist Ross McGinnis, and Master-at-Arms Second Class Michael Monsoor have all been recognized with the Medal of Honor for having jumped on grenades in combat, saving the lives of their fellow warriors in Afghanistan.  These heroes were in battle and made the ultimate sacrifice.  In the heat of battle, they made a decision to sacrifice themselves of their comrades, the men alongside whom they had trained and fought.

The family of the accident victim, however, didn't know the recipient.  It wasn't a conscious decision to offer one life so that others may live.  It was a horrible, terrible, tragic event that resulted in the death of one with an entire life before him.  We must wonder at what the Lord would have set before this young man in the years to come.  Marriage?  Parenthood?  There is no way of knowing.

The only knowledge which I can recognize is that without the indescribable decision to save a life, a man with a loving wife and two wonderful daughters wouldn't be presented with an chance to celebrate his next birthday and eventually that of his full future.

May God bless the young man and his family for providing, in the midst of unspeakable tragedy, the ultimate gift of live (and love) for a perfect stranger.       

Determination

2013 has arrived and, after discussion with and wise counsel from my bride of 42 years, I'm determined to look for and concentrate more on the positive and happy than the negative and sad.  This is not to say the negative and sad aren't there, but why the hell waste an inordinate amount of time focusing upon them?

As I've written about earlier, there really are sources of smiles, humor, and happiness surrounding us.  First is the collective grouping of our fellow citizens.  While the media, political parties, commercial establishments, unions, and others would like to believe otherwise, we are far more similar than dissimilar.  Left to our own devices, we can be a rather happy (if large) group.

Since arriving, or actually returning to the determination to look for and take enjoyment from the everyday, I've been profoundly pleased to note that most people are rather nice.  Even the casual encounters in public, whether with the folks working in the establishments we frequent or those with whom our paths cross, produce smiles.  As an illustration, the other day my wife and I were driving to our credit union to conduct some end of the year business.  In front of us were a man and woman on a sports bike (sports bike is a phrase used to describe a specific type of motorcycle, different from the Harley cruiser that I ride).  As we exited the freeway and took surface streets to the credit union, the bike was right in front of us.  I remarked to my wife that the operator of the bike was doing an admirable job, riding sensibly, and maintaining safety situational awareness, as evidenced by his constantly checking the surroundings.  Unlike some bikes riders, he wasn't over accelerating or whipping corners.  Coincidentally, the bike pulled up in front of our credit union, the young riders dismounted and headed for the door.  I held the door for them and then commented to the guy that I was impressed by his safe operation of the bike.  Both he and his gal broke out into smiles.

Key is that no names were exchanged, no long conversation was engaged, and nothing was sought by the encounter.  It was just an opportunity to say something nice to someone and receive a smile in return.

There have been other momentary exchanges that proved just as warming.  While out for my morning run, I've passed people who looked up, smiled, and said, "Good morning."  By Jove, that's the spirit.  So, taking their excellent example to heart, I am taking the initiative to smile and say hello to folks I encounter.  With this determination, I've begun to seek out the positive each day, look for the little episodes of enjoyment from whatever pursuits provide us pleasure.

Approaching life in this manner, as my wife encourages, will provide a foundation for the positive.  A trigger for smiles.  A more optimistic outlook. And ultimately a more satisfying life.