Children as parents

As one might surmise from the title "Graybeard views," one of the thrills of this time of life is being a grandparent.  Many, many sayings address this thrill.  You can undoubtedly remember some without prompting.  What isn't as broadly, at least in my view, addressed is the even greater thrill of observing one's children as parents.

What prompts this blog is the recent arrival of our third grandchild, the progeny of our daughter and son-in-law.  They have two older kids, ages nine and six, so we've been able to watch their parenting for some time now.  It never ceases to be a source of pride and admiration to observe their parenting.  One would like to think that we, as parents, influence our own children's approaching to parenting, if not the actual skills.  If this is indeed the case, then all credit is due my wife, the mother of our children.

She was ever present, as a stay-at-home mother.  I, on the other hand, was the absentee father.  It wasn't that I deserted the home.  It was a matter of the career I'd chosen as a Marine.  Overseas when our eldest was born, I didn't hold him for the first time until he was eight months old.  Even after returning from that overseas tour, I was away for days and weeks at a time, "in the field" training for our combat mission.  During that time frame, our second was born.  A year after she was born, we headed overseas as a family, hoping to have a more stable home environment, with far fewer absences.  While that was the case, I left the house in the dark and returned in the dark, seldom seeing the kids awake during the week.  And since I worked seven days a week, even the weekends were impacted.  After returning from that three year assignment, during which we had one family vacation of five days, it was nine months of schooling then I was off overseas again, without the family this time.  Such was the career pattern.  Consequently, my wife bore the brunt of the critical years of parenting, since I was literally seldom home.  She remained an "at home" mother until our eldest started college in the youngest was a junior in high school.

Whatever skills taught and lessons provided that would ultimately influence our youngsters parenting capability, they came most assuredly from my wife.  Her people centered approach to life and exceptional maternal instincts carried and buoyed our kids through countless moves and my frequent, if not seeming to be perpetual, absence.  These lessons and skills must have been indelible, as I now watch my daughter's exceptional success as a mother.  Together with her husband, they are raising two, now three, wonderful children.

So as we relish the roles as grandparents, there is equal if not greater pleasure gained from seeing our child as a parent.  Not yielding to much of the "modern" world, she ensures our grand kids are grounded in the important factors of life.  Courtesy is taught and expected.  School is viewed as important.  Laughter encouraged.  Ambition and achievement rewarded.  Love given and received.  TV limited.  Reading encouraged.  Creativity praised.  Discipline expected, but never cruelly or harshly.  Enjoyment through exploration provided.  Family, immediate and extended, the center of the home.

I could continue listing the positives for some time.  Suffice it to say the kids are happy, healthy, loving school, enjoying sports, respectful towards adults, articulate and creative, and simply "being" kids throughout.  These markers are the signs of the success of our daughter and son-in-law as parents.

The child as a parent.